Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Longest Shortest Morning Offering

I have a morning prayer routine that, on my better days, is lovely and slow and focused. But before I even open my eyes in the morning, I have developed the habit of saying a simple morning offering. Because one just never knows how the morning will go. Before I roll over, before my feet hit the floor, before I stand bleary-eyed before my toothbrush... I make sure my day is covered.

There are those days, however, when even that little prayer gets the better of me. I believe I tried to say that Morning Offering seven times yesterday. I just couldn't finish it without wandering into a million separate muddled thoughts. My eyes were too heavy to open but I knew I wanted to get through that one little prayer and kept beginning again and again and again. Finally, I managed to finish but completely bungled all the words. What did I just say? *sigh* So, I gave up...

Lord, I really like that prayer but I can't say it today. I'll just tell you in a less lovely way and move on. So I briefly offered my whole day to him, consecrated myself to the Divine Mercy and the Immaculate Heart of Mary (in an off-the-cuff kind of way) and offered my day for all the intentions and people I wanted to but couldn't particularly recall (You know, Lord.). I think the whole thing took 30 seconds.

It was a fine day although I stumbled my way through most of it and remained bleary-eyed through much of it. I got some things cleaned but not most things. I managed to get most of the children through the day without any bruises or scrapes, but not all of them. I consciously thought of God but not much or often. Dinner was an unusual success although I didn't get the dishes done. The green juice (for St. Patrick's Day) was a hit but no one really liked the pudding. I wanted to walk five miles but only walked four and bothered my knee doing it. I tried to read but couldn't focus. I hoped to get to bed early but was still up at 3:00 am. Doing what? I don't know... wandering in a sleepy, distracted haze.

As I lay down on the same pillow on which I struggled with that Morning Offering so many hours earlier, I began to do my delayed examination of conscience. I immediately began thinking about the dishes and had to begin again. I thought about how I'd rather be a mom than anything I ever dreamed of being as a kid... and had to begin again...and again... and again...

What is it with me today, Lord? I'm as scattered as a snowstorm. But I love you. I love you...

And I slept.

Some days are low-powered like that. Foggy. Slow. Mildly productive. And it's all right. Good sleep is important and tomorrow is another day. Moms need sleep. I need sleep. A lot more than I've been getting.  Until then, I'll run on adrenaline, grace, and the longest shortest Morning Offerings ever prayed. And while I stumble on, He'll read my heart and know all the thoughts my mind won't form and all the words my tongue doesn't say.

I trust that He knows. He is Mercy. He made me. And He knows I need some sleep.


4 comments:

  1. And on days where that is all you can manage, it is enough. He knows your heart. I'm muddling my way through the new baby in the house phase...not doing nearly enough for anyone and certainly not giving Him enough. I find comfort in the fact that He know my heart, and try to do better tomorrow. God bless you!

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  2. Love this. It reminds me of how my mother used to tell me that my Guardian Angel would finish my Rosary for me if I fell asleep. Beautiful and comforting :)

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  3. Anonymous said...
    Love this. It reminds me of how my mother used to tell me that my Guardian Angel would finish my Rosary for me if I fell asleep. Beautiful and comforting :)
    That's me...Colleen Martin

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  4. I loved this post. Know that I, for one, and right there with you. I have one, two, three, FOUR fewer children than you do, and I require much more sleep than it sounds like you survive on, but I'm there on so many things you wrote about. Thanks for your honesty and for your lovely flowing writing. :)

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