Unexpected Christmas blessing... A Return

You know, I really didn't want to stop blogging. It was a harder sacrifice than I thought it would be but I figured that emotions were a lousy leader and I aught to stick to my decision. My final post had been up for a few days before the Chief read it and asked me about it. Why did you decide to stop? he asked. You should have talked to me about it first.

That hadn't occurred to me. I figured it was kind of a gift to him, this sacrifice. I would become a better wife and mother. He's always been a bit quiet about the blog... I think just allowing me that space to write on my own. I figured it was neither here nor there in his regular thoughts.

Why did you stop? he wanted to know. I told him I thought I should eliminate such distractions until I could become a better wife and mother. I have a lot of rough edges. Time to crack down.

You should have talked with me first. You should continue. It is a healthy outlet for you.


That was all. I was surprised. And grateful. The reasons for my initial decision still exist but my husband offered me simple clarity and blessing. It was a very short conversation but a great gift.

You should continue. Okay.

So it is with humility that I reenter the blogosphere nine days after I announced that I had left it. I told you I was fickle! Honestly, I was committed to leaving it as it was but for the word of my husband. My deepest gratitude and affection to my steady and handsome Chief!

An End to Blogging... A Conversion to Family

Never is a long time and I know myself well enough to know that I am fickle...

But for now, I'm stepping away. I am taking one reader's advice and looking to my own beams. (I didn't agree with the comment on the whole at the time... but God works where He will.) I thought long and hard about my beams and asked the Lord what He thought, too. And He seems to be telling me to dig deeper.

Digging deeper does not mean carrying more, doing more, writing more. It means tending more to what I already have. It means silence so that I can actually hear. It means writing more for God and less for myself. It means understanding that a multiplication of ministries does not guarantee holiness any more than blogging about holding babies is an adequate replacement for actually holding them.

I am an experienced mother who is also a new mother. Every day is new. Every child is different. And teenagers are just as needy as little ones; it just takes time and care to see it and respond. I have agreed to accept the gift of these children. It is not time to get off of my knees yet. There will be many more sleepless nights and desperate prayers yet to come. In four years,  my firstborn will be 18. Everything with him is a first... and how shall I spend those 48 months? At that time, my littlest will be learning to add and subtract and dreaming of doing big things like his big brother.

Blogging is not wrong. But it may be wrong for me today. Or perhaps it is just not best... which is the same, really, if I have the knowledge I need to make that decision.

Isn't this the place we moms always return to? Back to basics. Back to God. So we can hear again in the silence. Of course, there's not much actual silence around here these days. I seem to have one child in particular who has received not only the gift of gab but also the gift of volume. And she needs me to teach her to sing.

For years, I have prayed for a deeper conversion to Christ and a deeper conversion to the heart of my family. I recognize that my inclination is to constantly be drawn away and so I beg Him to lead me back. It is an ongoing conversion... and requires vigilance. And sometimes the good needs to take a back seat to the better.

I will keep the blog accessible, I just won't be updating posts. I will continue to keep up with my favorite blogs; being able to read your words and catch a glimpse of God's grace working in your lives is a great support and consolation. I am a better person because of those of you who write from your heart for God and mamas like me. I have also been blessed by many readers who have kept me accountable and also become friends.  I have seen the face of Christ a little more clearly. Thanks so much for that. Thanks be to God!

Letting it Go...

I want you to know that if you are on my Christmas list, you probably won't be getting a card from us this year. And those cookies I wanted to make for you? Nope. You see... God has blessed us with an opportunity to simplify during this week before Christmas. That is the silver lining that I see in the clouds of this nasty stomach virus.

I'm not as rattled as I would have been in years past. I've learned that these things happen (every 3rd Christmas or so) and I'm incredibly grateful that it is not actually Christmas day. We will be at Mass. We will be able to visit. And if some things don't get done? I guess that's all right.

This is the first time in 24 hours that I am able to sit upright. It's the first time today that I've been out of bed for more than 5 minutes at a time. I have had visits all day from the rapidly healing children and do you know what? It's been really nice.

Board games on the bed with Crash. Time to talk with Cookie while she knits. Comforting button next to me while she continues to suffer. Nursing Little Cub. Listening to Professor give a magic show to the little ones downstairs. Seeing Jellybean so concerned about everyone she loves. Crash gave me a bell to ring should I need his assistance. Cookie has been bringing me jello.

Last night was brutal. I slept on the bathroom floor. I became so dehydrated that my body wouldn't produce milk for Cub. That is the first time such a thing has happened in 14 years of mothering. And the muscles all over my body (including my fingers and back) cramped for hours until I was able to rehydrate a bit. Chief went to Walmart at 2:00 am for me and came home with 18 gallons of fluids... just in case one thing or another appealed to me more.

Now the Chief is down and the children are waiting on him.

The week before Christmas is generally a very busy and exciting time. But I don't know how long it will take to bounce back... and I'm letting it go.

As we head into this final period of preparation, I'm awfully glad that we decorated the tree earlier than usual. And that we have indoor plumbing and a functioning washing machine and dryer. I'm grateful for my sweet family and the time we have had together in this illness.

Ah, my time is up. Back to bed. There are presents to wrap. Packages to mail. Food to prepare. Clothes to iron.... and I'm letting it go. God is good. Thanks be to God!

Of Dung and Dirt and Little Girls...

If your little girl wants a horse for her birthday and you don't want to buy her one, just tell her the truth: horses live in smelly places with lots of dirt. The stables they live in smell bad because the horses go to the bathroom there. They go a lot and often. And they step in it and sometimes roll around in it. If you want to hang around horses, you will end up stepping in it, too. And you will have to clean it out of their hooves and brush it off their coats and scoop it up with a shovel every time you want to ride.

Mind you, once the girl gets to ride on the back of one of these smelly beauties they won't care if the whole world is covered in horse manure. But it might help you divert her attention enough to avoid such an occasion.

We did not buy Button a horse but we did buy her some lessons... figuring that a few hours of horsey joy is better than none at all. (I have since become convinced that when her lessons come to an end next month, her heart will shatter into a thousand pieces. Live and learn.) I have acquired quite an equine education watching during the few lessons she's had. Lesson #1 is that horse stables smell bad. Lesson #2  is that stables (even clean ones) are dirty places. Lesson #3 is that no matter how hard I fight against it, I have a strong aversion to both of those things. Lesson #4 is that horses are so cool that kids and their mothers will put up with a significant amount of gross stuff to be with them.

I will hang out with smelly, dirty, beautiful animals for the sake of my children and never let on that I am uncomfortable. I've just got to say though, for the record, that I am super grossed out every time the big brooms are pushed across the concrete floors through the stables and all the dust flies into the air. Dust... composed of lots of unappealing particles of hay, dirt and... manure. And I have to take a breath because the alternative is not breathing. As it travels into my nostrils and fills my lungs I think...

I am a city girl all the way. I am far more comfortable breathing dusty particles of pigeon droppings.

Button looks innocent enough but I know better. She appears in this photo to simply be admiring her lesson horse. The truth is that she is secretly hatching a plot to hide the animal in her bedroom.

Professor and I found a mirror to play with at the indoor arena. See the dirty smudges on it? Worse than my bathroom at home. Mine is just smeared with toothpaste... which is better than dirt.

A picture of tag-a-long misery. Someday, she will have her own adventures to experience but in the meantime, she must just plod along the cold, dirty floor... not even tall enough to play in the big mirrors.

Ah! The moment when all dirt and dung fades from memory and horsey love takes firm root in the heart of the girl.

"Mom, will you buy me a bag of chips?" Nope. So he (unwisely) dipped into his own pocket and bought himself a bag of chips... which came in handy when Cub needed to be distracted from dirt. I felt a lot better about the chips at that point and made a mental note to bring snacks the following week.

Queen of All America

December 12th - Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe

"Know for certain, littlest of my sons, that I am the perfect and perpetual Virgin Mary, Mother of the True God through Whom everything lives, the Lord of all things near and far, the Master of heaven and earth.


I wish and intensely desire that in this place my sanctuary be erected. Here I will demonstrate and exhibit and give all my love, my compassion, my help and my protection to the people. I am your merciful Mother. The merciful Mother of all of you who live united in this land, and of all mankind, of all those who love me. Here I will hear their weeping, their sorrow, and will remedy, and alleviate all their multiple sufferings, necessities and misfortunes.   

Listen, put it into your heart, my youngest and dearest son, that the thing that frightens you, the thing that afflicts you, is nothing: do not let it disturb you??Am I not here, I who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am 1 not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need something more? Let nothing else worry you or disturb you."

                     ~ Our Lady's words to Juan Diego

Pope John Paul II declared Our Lady of Guadalupe "Queen of All America."
Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us!

Catholic Christmas Gifts and Easy Wrapping...

In case you Catholic Playmobil fans haven't seen this yet...

Found these just in time for St. Nicholas day. How could I pass up a Playmobil bishop?? They were a huge hit with the kids.

I love the idea of reusable fabric gift bags for Christmas....

Gift Bags photo by Alice Cantrell

It's a little too late for me to make fabric gift bags but I plan on doing this next year for our immediate family. I dread present wrapping night. Thinking about it right now is causing me actual anxiety. I have tried to wrap ahead of time but the paper gets ripped and there is no good place to hide everything. So, the night before Christmas is my time. Hours and hours. Burning back. Bleary-eyed. While the Chief falls asleep in the big tan chair. lol I consider that things have gone well if I'm in bed before 4:00am. It's odd. It never seems like there should be that much to do; but between the extremely late bed time after the Christmas Eve mass and normal familial interruptions, it just gets late quickly. Next year I will just be popping stuff into pretty reusable bags.

Check out these lovely bags at A Number of Things. I could rush this but that wouldn't be any easier than an all-night wrapping party really. If I plan for next year,  I'll be able to shop discount fabric and sew well ahead of December 2012.

Cutting Losses...

Note to self:

When hiding Christmas presents or tucking things away out of the reach of little hands, please remember the following definition.

"A Safe Spot" : The place in the house that you can never actually find at the exact moment when it is greatly needed.

I just found a present that I had put in "a safe spot" for Christmas 2009. Which would be great... if I could also find an item that I need for this Christmas. At least it's safe... wherever it is.

St. Anthony, pray for us.

Craft Show Update...

It's the strangest thing... the worse I do at a craft show, the more intense my desire to try it again. Remember when I said I would never, never do this again? Well, I've changed my mind. Again. You see, I've got it now. I know exactly what I need to do. I've hit upon the the perfect idea and this year's flop only serves to illuminate exactly what I'm doing wrong and subsequently, what I need to do to make it right!

The problem is that I am a crafty snob. My husband and I figured this out while sitting (and yawning) behind my table. You see, most of the tables that were very crowded and selling like mad had inexpensively priced items that shoppers want to buy. My items were priced to actually bring in a profit and they were items that I would want to buy. The Chief explained that I think I can convince people (in the 5 seconds that they are walking by my table) that they should like (and buy) the same things that I like. So maybe I'm less of a snob than a crafty idealist. I could be completely mercenary. I know how to make all kinds of things. But I just can't bring myself to it.

Case in point: A table an aisle away from mine completely sold out an hour before the show ended. What were they selling? Scented stuffed animals. No offense to anyone reading this who loves these little smelly bears and dogs but I think I would actually pay to have one removed from my house. And they FLY off craft show tables. They are made by dipping a stuffed animal into melted scented wax. Then the animal is fluffed up and dried and... sold. They lose their scent after a few weeks but can be revived with a hair dryer. I could learn to make those bears with ease. But I'm too proud... or snobbish... or something.

I was pouting about the bears (very big of me, I know) when my son chimes in... "You know, those little bears are incredibly flammable! Paraffin is like candle wax. The fur and stuff is the wick; a giant wick. Those things would burn for a looong time!" He was right. The fire starters we make for our wood stove are paraffin and lint. Even the little ones burn a really long time. I love that boy. So now we call them the fire starter bears. It just makes me feel better because I'm a small, small person. *sigh*

But enough about smelly bears. I think my point was that I should become slightly less handmade elitist and more mercenary. My mission (before applications are due in April) is to find a happy medium; something I enjoy making that other people don't have to be convinced to buy. My parish craft show is not Etsy. People who shop on Etsy are willing to pay more for handmade. People who attend craft shows are looking for bargains. And the sweet ladies who sell their hours and hours of crochet labor for pennies because they enjoy doing something while they watch TV (their words, not mine)... well, let's just say they ruin it for the rest of us. No hard feelings though; I buy their stuff every year because it is handmade, beautiful and affordable... lol.

As I've said, I tend to make what I like. I like handmade. I usually make boutique items for babies but decided to try smaller, less expensive items this year to see if I could sell more that way. I like lovely things that children can touch and enjoy in ways that counterbalance plastic dudes and technology. So one of the items I made to sell was bean bag sets (which the children love and I love). I made them specifically for toddlers with a filler that allows them to be washed... since kid drool and spilled milk and water will rot beans and corn. I thought it was cool. And everyone thought they were pretty. But I wish I had a dime for every time someone said something like:

Bean bags... hmmm... so what are kids supposed to do with these?

Which left me speechless. But reminded me that people generally regard handmade toys as boring. Although I did sell a few sets to moms who probably shop on Etsy. And I managed to eek out a sale to a grandma who wished I would just sell her one bag instead of four because what would one child do with four?... which made me laugh.

I said in my last post that it is far easier for me to sell handmade online. The day after the show, I listed a variety of unsold items online to see if I could move them out of my house. Within 20 minutes, I had already sold or swapped 7 of them to very eager buyers. I felt much better after that.

One of the very best moments of the day came when I got to meet a fellow blogging sister in Christ. I do want to introduce you to her properly so I'll do that in another post.

UPDATE:

Professor just walked into the room and saw the photo of the waxed bear on the computer. Intuitive young man that he is, he says, "Are you writing a disparaging blog post?" Caught! Seriously though. I think no worse of any of you for liking smelly bears. I am just jealous. In fact, if you want to make a lot of money next year at a craft fair (or make nice Christmas gifts), click on the bear photo and it will take you to a lovely website showing you just how to do it.

Sweet sis hosting a busy table all day long. :)

My family came up to help me out (assuming I would need help).
Instead, the kids discovered that I didn't need help and dropped cub
off (complete with banana) before seeking their own adventures.

7 Quick Takes Friday - Craft Show Edition

Joining Jennifer at Conversion Diary for 7 Quick Takes Friday...

~1~

The craft show is tomorrow. Which means a significant amount of stress for a few hours in order to have FUN and make some pocket money. I have high hopes every year and dream of handing the Chief a wad of cash while saying "Here, honey... Christmas is paid for!" Maybe this will be my year.

~2~

A couple kids are finally old enough to help me out so now there will be multiple members of my family experiencing fatigue, sensory overload and an uncomfortable sense that we must have the approval and money of complete strangers in order to be happy.

~3~

I love the mental aspect of selling at craft fairs. It's kind of like a game. A woman approaches the table. She's walking quickly with the don't-talk-to-me-I-know-what-I-want-and-you-likely-don't-have-it-look. She's clutching her pocketbook close to her side. Her scarf is wrapped around her neck. She is cold but rosy cheeked from scoping out the various buildings at a furious rate. You know you shouldn't say a word but are desperate for that first sale...

"Good morning!" She hesitates... not sure whether to walk away or give your items the obligatory once-over. She finally picks up an item that took you 15 solid hours to create and says: I could make one of these myself for a third of the price. She walks away indignant... her pride injured by the brazenness of my salutation.

She didn't buy my stuff... BUT I got her to at least look at it. It's a draw. :)

~4~.

My ideal craft table would be extremely Catholic. Lots of Blessed Mother for sure. The problem is that, even at a parish fair, Catholic stuff just doesn't sell very well. Every good Catholic has a drawer full of rosaries. Catholic mamas love blankies and pillows featuring Mary but are far too frugal to pay handmade prices for them. I have had many lovely bonding moments with those like-minded ladies over a Catholic taggie, but haven't sold a whole lot.

I once had a Protestant grandfather buy a blanket with Blessed Mother all over it. He said he didn't know much about Mary, but she was so beautiful to see and think of that he wanted his newborn granddaughter to have the blanket.

~5~

My parish craft fair is not a cozy family event. It boasts 700 plus tables. Which means that even if you wander around for an hour you still might never find me. It also means that there will likely be at least two other people selling the exact same thing you are. For me, that's a business killer. For others, it seems to make no difference. Case in point? The cheese plate lady who has a table across from mine...

The cheese plate lady (aka Mary) is a tiny white-haired woman who wields a cane and makes cheese plates out of recycled booze bottles. She sits quietly behind her table while customers line up to throw money at her. This in spite of the fact that there is a man about 50 feet from her who sells the exact same thing. In fact, she usually sells out. Looking for a new line of work? Your future is in cheese plates. Get on that.

~6~

Selling online is much more profitable for me than craft shows, although there is something about the craziness of the show that draws me back. I think of it as a challenge. I hardly ever do well enough to justify a return but... NEXT year... that's the year! But I want you all to hear me now and remind me of my words come April when the 2012 applications are due:

I never want to do this again. That's it. No more craft shows. Period. 


Just remind me how I can charge more money for stuff that I actually love to make, sell it in greater quantities, and all from the comfort of my home... online.

~7~

Please don't call me today. I'll be busy sewing. And bonding with my family as we work together to prepare for this day of FUN and profit. You might be wondering how I found the time to put this post together considering how busy I'm supposed to be. I might as well be straight with you. it's 3:00 in the morning and I intended to work on a little bit of sewing to ease my mind so that I would sleep better instead of think about sewing. Instead, I'm practicing unhealthy techniques called procrastination and avoidance. I'm also causing myself to stay up so late that I will end up sleeping in and getting even less done in the morning. And the real kicker is that I suspect this is one of those nights when I will fall asleep within 5 Ave's. Perhaps I should put my prayers on Blogger.

Advent Gets Real

I just could not resist sharing this photo taken by Terry over at Deusprovidebit. She pleads...

Please tell me I'm not the only person on the face of the planet whose Advent wreath already looks like this. Thanks.

If you would, please go tell her that she's not the only one.

This is what I was talking about when I posted about the problems with Advent wreaths and toddlers in my home. And this, generally speaking, has been the basic look of my advent wreaths since my oldest children were toddlers. This is my favorite blog photo of Advent 2011. I'm pretty sure there won't be anything to beat it.