Never is a long time and I know myself well enough to know that I am fickle...
But for now, I'm stepping away. I am taking one reader's advice and looking to my own beams. (I didn't agree with the comment on the whole at the time... but God works where He will.) I thought long and hard about my beams and asked the Lord what He thought, too. And He seems to be telling me to dig deeper.
Digging deeper does not mean carrying more, doing more, writing more. It means tending more to what I already have. It means silence so that I can actually hear. It means writing more for God and less for myself. It means understanding that a multiplication of ministries does not guarantee holiness any more than blogging about holding babies is an adequate replacement for actually holding them.
I am an experienced mother who is also a new mother. Every day is new. Every child is different. And teenagers are just as needy as little ones; it just takes time and care to see it and respond. I have agreed to accept the gift of these children. It is not time to get off of my knees yet. There will be many more sleepless nights and desperate prayers yet to come. In four years, my firstborn will be 18. Everything with him is a first... and how shall I spend those 48 months? At that time, my littlest will be learning to add and subtract and dreaming of doing big things like his big brother.
Blogging is not wrong. But it may be wrong for me today. Or perhaps it is just not best... which is the same, really, if I have the knowledge I need to make that decision.
Isn't this the place we moms always return to? Back to basics. Back to God. So we can hear again in the silence. Of course, there's not much actual silence around here these days. I seem to have one child in particular who has received not only the gift of gab but also the gift of volume. And she needs me to teach her to sing.
For years, I have prayed for a deeper conversion to Christ and a deeper conversion to the heart of my family. I recognize that my inclination is to constantly be drawn away and so I beg Him to lead me back. It is an ongoing conversion... and requires vigilance. And sometimes the good needs to take a back seat to the better.
I will keep the blog accessible, I just won't be updating posts. I will continue to keep up with my favorite blogs; being able to read your words and catch a glimpse of God's grace working in your lives is a great support and consolation. I am a better person because of those of you who write from your heart for God and mamas like me. I have also been blessed by many readers who have kept me accountable and also become friends. I have seen the face of Christ a little more clearly. Thanks so much for that. Thanks be to God!
8 comments:
Melody, I totally understand where you are coming from, but I also want you to know that I have very much enjoyed reading your blog as it has a fresh take on age old wisdom. It has brought many thing to my attention and helped me become a better woman.
If you ever feel you really need to share something with the world, please come back here because the world would love hear!
I will miss reading your blog because you always have such great insight! However, I really respect your decision; may God bless you as you strive to be the mother He is calling you to be!
So sad to hear this. I've enjoyed being able to share your articles.
I wish you all the best!
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog because of your desire to love and serve the Lord as well as your family. There are definitely different periods in our life, and constant discernment is required. I commend you for taking the time to hear God's still small voice, and respond to His promptings with a definite, yes, here I am, send me. You continue to embrace the stages of life where your children are right now and recognize God's plan for you may well include more quality time with your husband and your children. Drawing nearer to the Lord and following the promptings of the Holy Spirit are always the right choice! May you and your family have a glorious Christmas and a happy, healthy new year!
Melody, I will miss your writing and the small glimpses into your family life. Here is a glimpse into my heart: http://temenos2.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/the-blessing-of-christmas/
I enjoy your blog too, but totally understand! Thank you for all the wonderful posts and advice over the years! And if you ever start blogging again I'll be ready to read! Have a Merry Christmas!
praise God for your submission. it is a wonderful gift for Jesus. may you continue to seek Him in all you do.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
Lena
Melody, I love to read your blog. I have two little ones, both under 2 years, and I often read your posts and feel like God is teaching me motherly wisdom and patience through you. You've also reminded me to remember the joy of being a young Catholic momma, even on tough days.
Though I don't get the opportunity to blog often, I feel a peaceful contentness come over me, because in the midst of raising little ones, with as wonderful and crazy as it can be, I feel like its one of my few "me" times. I imagine most mom bloggers do.
So as you offer up your creative outlet to better serve your family, know that I pray for you and your whole family. I hope they know how blessed they are to have such a devoted momma.
I sincerely applaud your yes to God's call.
Much love in Christ and Our Blessed Mother,
Miranda
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